How we Flourish

Nothing upsets me more than seeing someone with passion and potential in an environment that won't allow her or him to flourish.

The reasons are plenty, and usually easy to spot. The boss that is jealous and insecure. The working environment that is poisonous. The business that is in terrible shape and simply don't have the resources and focus to develop its people.

On the flip side, there are things that work as fertilizer for people to thrive, and they are usually the opposite of the points above. But there is one of those things, a "special ingredient" I would say, that has marked my work experience for the better more than any other has.

A relationship like no other

In my last article, I talked about Thinking Fast and Slow, the book written by one of my biggest academic idols, Daniel Kahneman. Curiously, the best book I've read last year was not from him, but ABOUT him. "The Undoing Project", by genius writer Michael Lewis ("Moneyball" and "The Big Short"), tells the story of Daniel and his partner in crime Amos Tversky and how they formed this one of a kind partnership that changed how we think about human decision making forever. The books synopsis reads:

"In 1969 two men met on a university campus. Their names were Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky. They were different in every way. But both were obsessed with the human mind - and both happened to be geniuses. This is the incredible story of how their friendship would change the way we see the world".

Obsessed. Friendship. Changing the World. The deeply meaningful work relationship in which the two Israeli psychology professors operated by, brilliantly described by Lewis in his book, is this special ingredient that I was lucky to find in some special occasions in my career.

Let me try to put a few more words to it.

What I'm talking about here is the opportunity to work with a colleague, a peer, that deeply shares the same passion you have for the work you do and is willing and open to break conventional knowledge to take the work quality to its highest levels. Not because someone ORDERED you to do it, but simply because you couldn't resist not doing so.

It's not just the commonplace “team spirit” or "ability to work in a group" so often listed as a required skill on job specs. In this type of relationship, there is an exchange of energy that only reinforces each other after each late night discussion, flowing back to the work and making it better and better in ways you would NEVER manage to do it by yourself.

This type of partnership is easy to spot. Whenever you keep booking 30min catch ups just to see the conversation going on for hours, there is a good chance that you have that secret ingredient in front of you.

There is even science to quantify some of the benefits. In a sweet coincidence of destiny, I spotted this paper1 shared by organizational psychologist Adam Grant on Twitter, comparing shallow and deep conversations across a series of metrics.

The paper's experiment conclusion: in deep conversations, we feel happier, more connected and less uncomfortable than expected.

It takes a peer

For this magic to work, I believe, the partner must be a peer. Not more senior, not more junior, but a peer. A sister or brother in arms that will go to the depths of a problem together with you and only rest when you have the best-in-class work shining in front of you, spotted by the sweat and tears that took to make it real.

Sometimes you are actually "officially" allocated by the business to work together, and that's just magic. Pure joy. There are no issues dividing the work. There is no jealousy that one is doing more or better than the other. There is no agonizing alone in trying to solve a problem just between you and your own brain. It's an external organic flow and intense sharing of ideas that build on each other to form something that was never seen before.

A beautiful piece of art. An elegant answer to a difficult question. A new business that will deliver something people have never seen before.

I believe this happens in every aspect of life. I mean, we've seen it before, right?

Paul & John

Marie & Pierre Curie

Coen Brothers

Susan Anthony & Elizabeth Stanton

Daft Punk

Dolce & Gabbana

Page & Sergey

And the list goes on....

Look for fertile ground

Working with those friends really helped me grow, more than employers, clients, projects, places, and geographies I've work in.

So, my recommendation is very simple: keep your eyes and heart open for those relationships. Make space for it, even if it’s not what you are “supposed” to be doing or if the inertia of dealing with the familiar gets in the way. It may feel awkward at first (as seen in the research), but the payoff in personal development and sense of accomplishment are worth it.

It's fun, it gives meaning to work, and it’s how we flourish.

Have you had any experiences like that? If so, I would love to read it in the chat (if you want, tag the lucky partner that was part of the fun!).

[1] Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Attitudes and Social Cognition | Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deep Conversation | Michael Kardas, Amit Kumar, Nicholas Epley